"All the Way" · Dec 23, 19:33
We’re taking a short Xmas tour of the South. Well, not the deep South, but there are some parts that might as well be.
On our way from my hometown of Lynchburg, VA to Asheville, NC today we stopped at a roadside diner for lunch. Todd ordered a bacon cheeseburger, and the waitress asked what he wanted on it. He said, “Everything, I guess.” “Alrighty,” she replied, “All the way it is.”
When the burger came it was topped with the bacon and cheese of course, plus mayo, mustard, ketchup, lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles AND slaw AND chili.
I think in the South “all the way” is short for “all the way to arteriosclerosis.”
I suppose I should confess that I had Southern style green beans, which means heaps of salt and pork fat back, and cooked all day til there is not one whit of nutritional value left, and creamed potatoes to which I added some additional butter. When in Rome you know…...
— LCM
A little bit more "Boo" than I was hoping for · Oct 26, 08:34
So we lost Champe at Boo at the Zoo last night. Only for about 2 minutes, I think. It seemed more like 8 or 9 to me, but I’m sure that’s not real. You know, just one of those terrible parenting moments no one wants to experience.
We were at a crowded spot anyway, and I looked around for Champe and didn’t see him. Wasn’t even worried. I walked about 7 feet and found Todd and said, “Do you have Champe?” I knew he would. And when he looked around and said “No,” with such a puzzled look on his face, my heart dropped with a plunk into the bottom of my completely black, cold steel stomach, and it started struggling like a fish that knows it is dying – at first a frantic wiggle – and then slowing to a syncopated slow flop of fear.
It was very dark and crowded and all the kids were in costume. Champe was a monkey, covered in full regalia including hood. Hard to find in a sea of bumblebees, princesses, fire trucks, tigers, and superheroes. But, suddenly we saw him! I called to him, and he did that typical dance he does (though, I admit something didn’t seem right) and ran away. Jill and Todd chased him and, you guessed it. It wasn’t Champe. That fish was not doing well.
I started screaming his name as loud as I could and people were asking us what he was wearing. And then he heard me – he had wandered about 15 feet away in the crowd, and someone spotted him turning to hear his name, and said, “Here he is!” and a big ocean wave of water spilled over the fish, who was so happy to realize he was not dying after all, and then we all ran to get Champe.
So let’s not do that again, shall we?
— LCM
Comment [2]
1 of 17 trillion · Oct 23, 14:00
I am such a lax blogger that I have AT LEAST 17 trillion things I HAVEN’T blogged about that I want to. And each day that I let pass, the task becomes more and more insurmountable. How many new pyschological illnesses will we see from blogging, etc? Obviously online addiction, but how about blogaholism, or post traumatic blogging syndrome, or attention deficit blogging, or infrequent posting disorder, the one I currently suffer from?
— LCM
Woof · Apr 1, 12:16
Definition: A “woof” is when you make a classic “goof” when ordering on woot. (I just coined this new word moments ago.) For example, a “woof” would be if, after months and months of trying to get a BOC (bag of crap), you finally, finally got through on the servers and accidentally ordered only one piece of crap, not three.
Then you would get this email:
Thank you for your purchase.
Your order number 23226789 for 1 Random Crap has been received by Woot on 4/1/2008 and your credit card has been charged $6.00. Your order will typically ship within 5 business days.
That’s just an example of a woof. It’s not something that happened to anyone (who happens to be an exhausted, night nursing mom who also owns her own business) that we know.
— LCM
Comment [5]
Pursuit of the Truth · Mar 14, 17:18
We aim to reflect reality here at 4M. Therefore, despite my recent statement that I saw no signs of sibling rivalry, I offer you this true tale from today.
Scene: Champe is leaning over Caden. Caden suddenly starts screaming hysterically. Mom, recalling her positive parenting trainng, calmly pulls Champe into her lap, gives a hug.
Mom (gently): “Caden seems hurt, honey. What happened?”
Champe: “I needed to bite a baby’s fingers.”
Mom (biting her tongue): “Did you bite hard?”
Champe: “Yes.”
A few minutes later. Mom has nursed Caden back to a state of general happiness, and has reminded Champe that she doesn’t EVER want him to bite anyone, and we should try not to hurt baby brother. Champe is sitting on the bench, at Mom’s request, thinking about any ideas he may have to solve this problem.”
Champe (excitedly): “HEY!! I have a good idea. What if when people bite babies, we give the babies a bandaid?”
Mom: “How about if we just don’t bite babies?”
Champe (sadly, seriously, as if he’s really pondering the idea and unfortunately finds it lacking in merit): “No that won’t work for me.”
Mom (forgetting her positive parenting altogether, and in a pretty annoyed tone of voice): “How about if people who bite babies never, ever get to play with them?”
Champe: “Hey, mom, your idea WILL work for me.”
— LCM
Excuses and Justifications · Mar 7, 07:24
I would like to point out that I post about as frequently as Catherine Newman. The only difference is that I am not a world-famous, published author with other deadlines for paid writing gigs to distract me. Oh, and also, I’m nowhere near as talented or funny. However, I DO have other salient excuses for my sporadicness, like I had to watch Lost, and my car broke down and my kid and I sat on the side of the highway for two hours the day before yesterday, and my clients love me so much I never feel not super busy. So there.
— LCM
Flu · Feb 14, 21:30
Champe is so sick. His temperature has been mostly between 104 and 105 for 48 hours. If I give him Advil, it comes down to 102-103. And he one miserable kid. I caved and took him to Dr. Christy late today and she confirmed what I pretty much knew – the flu. The really sucky flu. You can tell you have the flu when you’re achy all over. Today Champe told me his back hurt, his legs hurt, his arms hurt, the side of his hand hurt, his eyes hurt. Yup. That’s it.
ALERT – descriptive paragraph on barf forthcoming. You have been warned.
He also barfed tonight, for pretty much the first time in his life. He barfed in the bathtub while getting a bath. A lot of barf. As far as barf goes, this is I presume one of the best places a three year old could do it. Still, barf floating around in your bath water – not so appetizing. (Yes, Tine, we scrubbed the bathtub thoroughly). Then we had to discuss afterwards the aspects of barf. The barf that came up through his nose. The need to brush the barf off of his teeth. The natural conclusion that he does not like throwing up very much at all.
— LCM
But... I sound so stern when you say it that way... · Dec 27, 21:48
Champe and his cousin Dori were playing a couple days ago, and I guess Champe was pretending to put her to bed. He was overheard saying, “Go to sleep RIGHT NOW! I’m SERIOUS!!!”
Ok, so yes we’ve been having trouble getting him to go to bed, and yes, I’ve been trying to be strict with him. It just sounded so awful when I heard him repeat it.
— LCM
On the precipice of something that scares me · Dec 19, 15:28
Yesterday Champe was jumping and, since he’s been having a lot of knee pain lately (knee pain that apparently prohibits him from going to bed and makes him howl for MEDICINE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!! on many nights), I told him he should put on sneakers. He said he didn’t want to, and I told him he could choose – Jump with sneakers on – OR – Not jump.
He thought about it for a minute and said, “I want to go in the other room so you can’t see me.”
He’s really on the cusp of a new discovery here, right? He wants to actively disobey me, his only mistake was telling me so. How long do you think ‘til he figures that out?
— LCM
Attack of the Killer Diapers · Nov 14, 18:04
Last night Champe woke up in the middle of the night, totally freaked out and screaming for us. Turns out he had a nightmare about poopy diapers attacking him.
Welcome to MY world, kiddo.
— LCM